Creating Space in Conversations: How Letting Go of Control Raises Your Status and Results
- Rachel Krider
- 1 day ago
- 8 min read
Table of Contents
• FAQ
Prefer to watch instead of read?
This article is based on a recent live conversation Shane and I hosted on communication, leadership, and how people actually decide. You can watch the full discussion here:
Welcome, quick story, big idea 🌿
Hi, I'm Rachel. If you're reading this, welcome. We had a little moment this week, the sort of awkward but useful moment that forces you to look at how you show up. It came from something simple, a message from a yoga teacher after we cancelled a class two hours before it started. The response felt sharp and controlling.
What it actually did was cause me to reflect on my own company’s policies and how we treat our clients when they miss a training session. Do we punish them and make them wrong, or do we create space and hold the picture of them attending in the future?
About a month earlier, someone had casually pointed out to me that I like to control situations. It wasn’t meant as an insult, more an observation. At the time, I brushed it off. But between that comment and the yoga studio exchange, something clicked.
It reminded me of a simple but powerful distinction that has changed how I communicate, lead and build a business. When you talk to people, are you creating space or taking space?
Many people struggle in conversations because they unconsciously try to control outcomes, which creates resistance instead of trust.
That single question rewired my results. It turned desperate sounding sales calls into calm conversations. It turned frustrated teachers and small business owners into leaders who attract people effortlessly. Below I will walk you through the idea, give real world examples including the yoga studio moment, and share practical steps you can use today.
Creating Space in Conversations, Creating Space vs Taking Space 🧭
Here it is in plain terms. When you speak to someone, are you adding possibility into their life, or are you quietly or blatantly taking their space away?
People who operate from a high status place do the former. They create space. They give choices. They let others make decisions and feel ownership of those decisions. People who are needy, embarrassed or desperate do the latter. They try to control outcomes, build rapport artificially, pressure with limited time tactics or emotionally load the conversation so others feel wrong if they don’t comply.
This dynamic closely relates to what psychologists call psychological reactance, the instinct people have to resist when they feel their freedom of choice is being threatened.
Why it matters, the consequences of trying to control ⚠️
• If you're trying to convince, you can't be present because you're pitching rehearsed lines.
• Needy energy undermines the message, even if the words are right.
• Attempts to manipulate short term outcomes often kill long term relationships and referrals.
Real examples, so you can spot it in the wild 👀
1. Rapport building that looks desperate
Sales 101 tells you to build rapport. Find common ground, get a string of small yes answers, then close. It can work. But if rapport is a tactic because you think you need people to like you to get them to buy, it reads as needy. High status people don’t fake rapport to manipulate. They’re naturally relaxed and curious. That creates authentic connection without losing the other person’s agency.
2. The yoga studio story 🧘♀️
We signed up for a monthly unlimited pass at a small studio. I messaged the teacher two hours before class to say we couldn’t make it. Courtesy, right?
The reply was two big PLEASEs in caps and a reminder that I would be charged the 20 euro drop in fee for not giving 24 hours’ notice, a policy that hadn’t been mentioned when I signed up for the monthly unlimited pass.
It felt like she was really sticking it to me for something I genuinely thought was polite.
From the teacher’s point of view, especially in a tiny studio where one or two no shows can sting, that policy probably exists to protect income and ego. But the delivery showed low leadership energy. A leader would say, “No worries, thanks for letting me know,” and if policy is important, communicate it clearly at sign up in a neutral way. Create space. Don’t take it.
3. Prospect no shows and meetings 📞
Early on I used to leave voicemails with a little edge when someone didn’t show. All that did was change the energy of the next conversation and in some cases, it probably repelled what could have been a genuine prospect.
No one likes to feel the energy of irritation, and even if my words sounded polite, who I was being when I left the message would have come through. Later I shifted to gratitude and neutral curiosity. If a prospect doesn’t show, that’s fine. Maybe something came up. Sometimes it’s a genuine miss. Sometimes it’s a sign they weren’t ready. Either way, you choose your energy.
4. The Randy moment, the power of non attachment 🌱
Shane described an interaction he had years ago with the man who first introduced him to the world of direct selling and high ticket business. His name was Randy, and he was a true leader, a natural space giver.
After Shane went through the company’s business presentation, he said to Randy, “I think I’m ready to get started.” Randy’s response was simple. “Great. Think about it.” There was no pressure, no chasing and no edge in Randy’s tone.
That neutral, non attached response gave Shane the space to decide for himself. He chose to move forward because he wanted to, not because he felt nudged or manipulated.
As Shane Krider put it, “It’s not my job to convince anybody.”
How to shift, practical steps to create space in conversations 🔄
Notice the impulse to control. Catch the tiny urges, over explaining, piling on facts, guilt laced phrases or checking if someone is with you.
Ask space giving questions. Replace statements that take space with invitations. “What do you think?” “How does that land for you?” “Would you like more info or time to think?”
Use neutral closers. Instead of pressing, ask, “Are you ready to move forward?” If they’re not, say, “Great, I wish you all the best,” and leave the door open.
Hold a bigger stand. Be clear about what you believe in and why it matters, bigger than you. When the work is bigger than your ego, you’re naturally less attached to persuading each individual.
Practice non attachment in small ways. Start with low stakes interactions, appointments, RSVPs and everyday friction. Rehearse neutral responses until they become instinctive.
Simple scripts that create space 💬
• “Thanks for letting me know, no problem at all.”
• “Take whatever time you need. If you have questions later, I’ll be here.”
• “I want you to decide with full ownership. Would you like more info or would you prefer to sleep on it?”
• “If this isn’t for you, that’s okay with me, I wish you all the best.”
Principles to live by 🧠
• People decide more freely when they feel they own the choice.
• Authentic attraction beats manipulation. The most magnetic people aren’t trying to make you decide. They’re offering a possibility you might want.
• Non attachment is not indifference. You can be committed and confident without being desperate.
• Create space, then qualify. Ask the right questions to see if someone is a fit. Don’t try to force a fit that isn’t there.
Where this applies 🌍
This isn’t just for sales. It’s for parenting, teams, relationships, yoga classes, doctors’ appointments and leadership. Anytime you want someone to take a step with you, a purchase, a commitment or a change, creating space will get you farther than pushing harder.
Final note 💛
Changing the way you “be” in conversations is subtle. You can learn the idea quickly and still sound or feel the same if you don’t practise it. Start small. Notice your tone and energy. Give people the dignity of choice and watch how your results change, often with fewer calls, less friction and more joy.
About this article
This article was inspired by a recent live conversation that Shane and I hosted on communication, leadership and how people actually decide. The core distinction of creating space versus taking space comes from the way Shane Krider teaches influence and leadership inside Prosperity Of Life.
I’ve written this in my own voice to reflect how I’ve applied these ideas in real conversations, business and everyday life. What you’re reading here is my lived experience of putting those principles into practice.
FAQ ❓
How do I stop trying to control conversations when it’s embedded in my sales process?
Start by recognising the moments you feel anxious or attached. Replace manipulative tactics with qualifying questions and neutral closers. Train yourself to ask, “Are you ready to move forward?” and accept the answer without adding pressure. Over time the habit of creating space will replace the impulse to control.
Does creating space mean I never follow up or clarify objections?
Not at all. Creating space means you follow up from a position of service and curiosity, not neediness. You can clarify objections, provide information and invite decisions, just without making the other person feel wrong or cornered.
Is rapport building wrong?
Building genuine rapport is great. The problem is when rapport is used as a strategy to manipulate. Authentic rapport grows naturally from real interest and curiosity. If you’re forcing small talk to collect yeses, you’re taking space, not giving it.
How do I handle someone who pushes back or insults my product or business?
Listen. Acknowledge their view. You can say, “Thanks for sharing, I hear you.” Then either clarify calmly or accept that it’s not a fit. Your energy should remain steady. Don’t match negativity with desperation.
Will this work outside sales, like in family or leadership conversations?
Yes. Creating space is about respect and leadership. When you let people make their own choices, they’re more likely to commit authentically. That’s true in boardrooms, bedrooms and living rooms.
Go Deeper 💡
If the idea of creating space in conversations resonates, you may also enjoy these related articles on leadership, mindset, and personal development:
• Be Do Have - Explore how who you are being shapes what you do and what you get.
• Mindset Is Everything - Why your internal state drives your results more than strategy alone.
• Is the Law of Attraction Real? - A grounded look at how thoughts, energy, and outcomes connect.
• How to Get Into High Ticket Sales - See how creating space applies directly in business and sales conversations.
Parting thought 🌟
If you want to win, build something people choose freely, not something you force them into. Raise your status by creating space, standing for something bigger than yourself and practising non attachment. The irony is beautiful. When you stop trying to control outcomes, you get better outcomes more often.
See you out there.
Rachel Krider
VP World Wide Marketing
Prosperity Of Life
Powerful points to implement in life and business. Thank you 🙏
Fantastic tips here on how to allow others to make their own decisions without pressure. No repelling, no guilt, no over explanations, just making space.
I find people like the no pressure approach, and if this is not for them, they usually respond kindly instead of ghosting, because they did not feel pressure.
Thank you for sharing!